Tuning: Standard (E A D G B E) Intro: C C F C G F C D Verse 1: C My parents paid for college and I wonder why C To have me be a comic flipping burgers on the side G You can't have an apartment making 8.75 C Let alone car insurance after two DWIs F G I don't think I can write enough songs to stay alive C N.C. I would turn to prostitution, but I don't think I'd get by
E C My brain's so fried I don't think I could pass a drug test E C And if my daddy weren't a lawyer, I'd probably be in jail by now (it also helps to be white) F G C G Throw your hands in the air on my emotional roller coaster F N.C. Everybody do the mood swing Chorus: F G C I'll never amount to anything D I'll never amount to anything F I'll never amount to anything G I’ll never amount to nothin' Verse 2: C My therapist said focus on the now and here C So I savor all the flavor when I pound a beer G I get heart palpitations and panic attacks C But I don't think I could trust myself around Xanax F G My therapist said I should take my meds C N.C. But that's exactly what the government wants me to do E C I switch banks every time I overdraw my checking account E C I'm at a point where 100 dollars could change my life (if I didn't spend it on cigarettes) F G C G You'll drag bodies from my emotional wreckage, baby F N.C. What's the point of trying? Chorus: F G C I'll never amount to anything D I'll never amount to anything F I'll never amount to anything G I’ll never amount to nothin' Piano solo: C C Am Am G F C D C C Am Am G F C D C7 E7 C E7 C E7 C F G Verse 3: C N.C. In first grade they tell you you could be the president C N.C. But I can't even get people to follow me on Twitter G I drink and I smoke, and I never use a rubber C And also I play the lottery G F Raised in suburbia to die in the streets C N.C. But my parents still say that they're proud of me E C I'll be a sewer of emotionally-draining shit E C And it'll take more than a manhole to shut me up (haha, manhole) F G C G You'll lose your luggage at my emotional baggage claim F G C G You'll lose your luggage at my emotional baggage claim F N.C. Poster boy of eugenics Chorus: F G C I'll never amount to anything D I'll never amount to anything F I'll never amount to anything G I’ll never amount to nothin' C Anything D I'll never amount to anything F I'll never amount to anything G I’ll never amount to nothin' C
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