Hello chords by Tim Minchin

E
Hello
                     B/D#
Welcome to my show
                        Dsus2
I'm glad that you could come
      A
We're gonna have a hoot
      E
We're gonna have some fun

[notes – D3]

          E
Sit back
                             E/D#
Put your feet up and relax
                             Dsus2
I hope you've had a drink or three
    A
The more you've drunk
    E
The better I’ll ever be

    A
And if you have a mobile phone
    Am
Please turn it off
    E
Thank you

    A
And if you have Tourette's syndrome
    E
Just do whatever it is you people do

    A
And if you are offended by strong language or blasphemy
E
Maybe you should chuff off home
         E
Cos it's only gonna get worse
E
Only gonna get worse
A
Only gonna get worse
         E
From now on……………c**t

[notes – G#2]

A
My name is Tim
A
I write funny songs and sing
E7
And if you don't think funny songs are funny
     A
Well I respect your right
   A
To think exactly what you like
           A
But you're sure as shit not getting back your money


    E
And if you write for a newspaper I'd just like to say
       E
That I read your publication every single day
    F#m
And I agree with absolutely everything you say
                        D
I think you're the most perspicacious and delightful, eloquent, insightful writer
A
Writing on the subject of the arts
Dmaj9
But if you write a bad review
  D
I promise you I'll come round to your house
A
And lay turds in all your potted indoor plants
         B11
I'll lay turds!
            C11
In all your plants!
            C#11
Your indoor plants!

Your potted indoor plants!

      F#
Hello
                  C#/E#
Welcome to my show
                       Esus2
I'm glad you all could come
     F#
It's time for a little audience participation
      F#
Sing, "Yeah!"      (Yeah!)
      E
Sing, "Yeah!"      (Yeah!)
      B
Sing, "Yeah yeah yeah!"   (Yeah yeah yeah!)
      F#
Sing, "Ooo yeah!"   (Ooo yeah!)
      F#
Sing, "I am an audience member!"      (I am an audience member!)
E
"Why are you making me sing?"      (Why are you making me sing?)
B
"You self indulgent wanker!"      (You self indulgent wanker!)
      F#
"Just get on with the fucking show!"   (Just get on with the fucking show!)

......