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Key: D Tuning: E A D G B E [Intro: Willow Avalon] G Now, let me tell you 'bout my best friend D Well, her name is Leanne A And she's married to a dumb, dumb man named Carl D Or she was, that is [Verse 1: Willow Avalon & Kaitlin Butts] *Phone rings* G Hello? D Well, Carl started with his same old shit all over again D Drunk as a skunk, yelling A And he started coming at me while I was frying his eggs in the kitchen D Oh, Lord D And the only thing I had to save me was that cast iron skillet G And that white tile ain't so white anymore D And he is face down on the kitchen floor D What? D He ain't moving A And I think he might be dead A Uh-oh D And you're the first person I thought to call
[Chorus: Willow Avalon] G Hypothetically speaking D If you're burying a body A Don't you do it in your basement D 'Cause that's the first place they'll check (If they suspect you've done it) G So before you start running D Just dial my number A If you've got a little problem D Hypothetically speaking [Steel Guitar Solo] G D A D [Verse 2: Kaitlin Butts & Willow Avalon] G D Well, now, I did find a letter with a lipstick kiss on it from his secretary A Talking about how they're in love and how they're gonna run off together D Well, that's what you're gonna say 'cause it's definitely what happened D So get your story straight [Chorus: Willow Avalon & Kaitlin Butts] G Hypothetically speaking D You'll cut him into little pieces A I'm talking real little pieces D And then you feed 'em to the gators ('Cause they're nationally protected) G And they can't check the gators D For your dead husband A Right now he's just missing D And that's how it's gonna stay [Bridge: Willow Avalon] G Now, honey, I know he was an asshole D But that's not what you're gonna tell them A You're gonna say that he was an angel D And how you miss him so [Chorus: Willow Avalon] G Hypothetically speaking D If you're hiding a body ('Cause she definitely is) A Put him in a big barrel D And fill it full of acid ('Cause it'll eat him all up) G And then there won't be nothing D For nobody to look for A Just some water in a barrel D From when the rain came through [Post-Chorus: Willow Avalon] G Hypothetically speaking D Hypothetically speaking A Hypothetically speaking D Hypothetically speaking [Outro: Willow Avalon, Kaitlin Butts, Both] G Now, accidents, they sure do happen D Even though he had it coming A Well, you know I'm always here for you, baby D Hypothetically speaking N.C. [Giggling] N.C. Poor Carl N.C. [Laughter]
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