Juanita And The Kids chords by Ray Stevens

Chords with lyrics

Juanita and the Kids
written by C.W. Kalb, Jr., and Lonnie Carneal
from the album "#1 With a Bullet"
tabbed 9/8/05

Intro:
C majorC FF

Verse:
C majorC
I got a letter from the IRS
FF
Inviting me to be their guest
   C majorC                  G+G
At an audit they were conducting just for me
       C majorC
They said no need to worry, probably nothing wrong
FF
Just bring your wife and your children along
     C majorC         G+G      C majorC
We just need to clear up a small technicality

C majorC
Now the only problem with an audit is
FF
My wife Juanita and our 14 kids
      C majorC                     G+G
Friends you cannot believe the refunds they have been worth
      C majorC
But it was years ago that I got this idea
    FF
When I bought Juanita thru the mail from Korea
     C majorC            G+G             C majorC
She's an inflatable doll, but she came with a certificate of birth

     G+G
I was a single guy without any deductions
   C majorC
So I claimed Juanita and what a reduction
  FF                       G+G
I received with her as my spouse on the taxes I pay
C majorC
That worked so well that every year after that
  FF
I reported a birth when I paid my tax
     C majorC      G+G        C majorC
Each kid certified by Cabbage Patch USA

Chorus:
   C majorC
Oh Juanita (Juanita)
FF
My inflatable senorita
  C majorC                   G+G
The IRS wants to take you and the children away (away-ay-ay-ay)
     C majorC
You and Jim and Tammy, Lonnie and Burt
FF
Farrah, Charro, Michael and Kurt
    C majorC            G+G        C majorC
Jan and Dean, Irlene, Louise, Barbara and little Ray (little Ray)

Instrumental:
FF C majorC

   C majorC
So I dressed Juanita like the perfect mother
FF
Velcro'd the children to one another
       C majorC                            G+G
And when we walked into that audit those people nearly flipped their lids
    C majorC
I said Juanita might lay around and never cook
    FF
And the children don't clean their rooms and never crack a book
    C majorC                G+G         C majorC
But hey they ain't no different from my brother's wife and kids

     G+G
And I got social security cards here for every one
  C majorC
My wife, my daughters and all of my sons
   FF                     G+G
All offically issued by the government of the USA
   C majorC
So before you call me down to muster
FF
Somebody here better think twice buster
    C majorC                  G+G            C majorC
Do you really wanna be the one to accuse the government of making a big mistake

Chorus:
    C majorC
Oh Juanita (Juanita)
FF
My C-oh-2 senorita
  C majorC                    G+G
The IRS wants to take you and the children away (away-ay-ay-ay)
    C majorC
You and Jim and Tammy, Lonnie and Burt
FF
Farrah, Charro, Michael and Kurt
    C majorC           G+G         C majorC
Jan and Dean, Irlene, Louise, Barbara and little Ray (little Ray)

Bridge:
   G+G
That agent sat there his mouth agape
G+G
Thinking over that government mistake
      G+G                   C majorC
And how his civil service career could be at its end

And then he reached for his stamp that said approved
     FF
And said hope the kids do better next year and school
       C majorC            G+G            C majorC
And why don't you and the missus drop by and say hello now and then

Chorus:
   C majorC
Oh Juanita (Juanita)
FF
My inflatable senorita
C majorC                   G+G
Looks like you and the kids all get to stay (stay-ay-ay-ay)
C majorC
What's that honey, you need to get home quick?
FF
You say you started feelin' a little sick?
     C majorC          G+G          C majorC
And you think you might once again be in a family way?

C majorC                               FF
What's that? You think it might be triplets this time?
          C majorC
Juanita, you are a wonder!
  G+G        C majorC
Do what?  Why, of course we can support your mother!
         G+G                   C majorC
I even think her moving expenses are deductible too.
                    FF