Chords with lyrics
Tuning: Standard (E MajorE A augmentedA D MajorD G+G BB E MajorE)
G+G Am7Am7
Fairy tales that we all know
G+G ch]Am7
That we love but we’ve outgrown
BB C majorC C majorC G+G
I re-wrote some for adults like me and you
C7C7 A7A7 C7C7 A7A7
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Once upon a time there was a girl named Cinderella
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Her life was pretty good, but then her mother fell
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on a family vacation right into the grand canyon (It was a tragedy)
C7C7 A7A7
and shortly thereafter Dad married SHARON
C7C7 A7A7
Sharon was the textbook definition of a MILF
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I’m taking body like an hour glass and face like Marilyn
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She was sort of like the Ice Queen, if the Ice Queen was colder
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And she had twin girls who were conjoined at the shoulder
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These conjoined teenage twins had the worst attitudes
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but if that’s from their condition or their mom? no clue
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So Cindy was essentially their indentured maid
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Just cooking and cleaning day after day
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And she cleaned and she cleaned and she kept everything in order
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but she had to get out soon before she caught a charge for murder
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and then one day she got a lightbulb in her head
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and decided to start a cleaning company instead
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she moved the fuck out on the day she turned 18
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and now she lives in the biggest house on the same street
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as her Father, Sharon and her two conjoined daughters
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and every day they see her house and cry ‘cause theirs is smaller
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and did Cindy go and marry a prince? Not quite.
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but she did settle down with the love of her life.
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She lives with her wife Heather and their cat named Dave
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And a whole bunch of mice who are their teeny tiny slaves
G+G
The moral of the story is all about feelings.
G+G
I know things like love and honesty are really appealing
G+G
But is love the most powerful emotion? Not quite.
G+G A7A7
The most powerful emotion in the world is spite.
(Fuck you, SHARON!)
Chorus:
C majorC A7A7
When Prince Charming kissed Snow White
C7C7 C majorC
the dwarves beat him up and called the cops
C majorC A7A7
When the Prince kissed Sleeping Beauty
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the dragon beat him up and called the cops (As she should)
G+G The Moral of these stories are really really simple
G+G
If you see a girl’s asleep and your first move is to kiss her
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someone should beat you up and call the cops
G+G
and you’ll deserve it
G+G
Because that’s….(Literally assault)
G+G G+G
Hans Christian Anderson and The Brother’s Grimm
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Wrote these stories in the 17 and 1800s
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That was before women had rights
G+G G+G A7A7
But it’s 2020 now and that shit doesn’t fly now
(So don’t fucking do that.)
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Once upon a time there was a little mermaid
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A augmentedA princess, but she didn’t like being half fish
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so one day she ran away from her pampered life
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and signed a contract with the evil sea witch
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the deal was really simple, the sea witch took her voice
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and her goal was really easy- impress a boy
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So she washed up on the shore, found a stick
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and just wrote “fuck me” in the sand, and that did the trick
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Now she’s married and she has two kids and a dog
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And the moral of the story: work smart, not hard.
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Once upon a time there was a puppet named Pinocchio
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And every time he told a lie his nose would grow and grow and grow
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Thought it was a weakness then he learned to embrace it
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When one night a girl from college sat down on his face and
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She said, “Am I heavy?” and he said “Um…No?”
A7A7
and she said “Oh oh ohh ohh ohhhhh”
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He served as the prototype for his own line of sex toys
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a brand new brand of vibrator called “the real boy”
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the moral of the story is your flaws can be your strengths
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He just lied and told the truth until the Blue Fairy came
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One of Old Macdonald’s ducks laid three eggs
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Two cute little ducklings and a third one named Meg
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the thing about Meg is she was really really ugly
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so the whole entire farm called her “The Ugly Duckling”
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She waited for the day when she’d turn into a swan
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And that day never came, but as time went on
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She grew into a slightly below average looking duck
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Not at all attractive but not ugly as fuck
G+G
and even though she isn’t pretty she found out that she was funny
G+G
Now she writes for a huge sitcom out in the big city
G+G G+G A7A7 G+G
The moral of the story: It’s okay to be ugly, under one condition: Be funny.
C majorC A7A7
What could we learn from Rapunzel?
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Sometimes all you need is a really drastic haircut
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and Beauty and The Beast could teach us all
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Kidnapping is still kidnapping- even if your kidnapper’s rich and tall
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G MajorG And when all of the furniture starts talking to you
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Just be aware that that's not normal even if they’re nice to you
C7C7 C majorC
You’ve got Stockholm Syndrome you’re not in love
G+G
and who in GOD’S NAME
G+G
Names their kid RUMPLESTILTSKIN, DUDE??!?!?
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Hans Christian Anderson and The Brother’s Grimm’s
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Goal was to scare the bad behavior out of children
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Personally, I don’t think that it worked
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Because I take a look around and I see a lot of dirtbags(oh well!)
G+G Am7Am7
Fairy Tales gave me false hope
G+G Am7Am7
And I know I’m not alone
BB C majorC C G+G
Be a decent person and you’ll turn out fine