Do You Swear To Tell The Truth The Whole Truth And Nothing But The Truth So Help Your Black Ass Ukul chords by Amanda Palmer

Chords with lyrics

G+G            DmDm
When I was six years old my sister Alyson
FF            C majorC
asked for a stove for her birthday
 G+G            DmDm
A augmentedA miniature one you could actually cook with
  FF            C majorC
and my mom was nice and she bought one

G+G         DmDm
Alyson needed a reason to bake something
FF             C majorC
barged in my room and she grabbed me, she said
G+G            DmDm
I made a cake and we're going next door
    FF               C majorC
to Sam Weinstein's and you're getting married

G+G
The cake was burned
  DmDm
it tasted gross
  FF
she made me kiss him
C majorC
on the mouth


G+G
Now I am 33
DmDm
unmarried happily
FF            C majorC            G+G
no plans in life and I'm planning to keep it that way
         DmDm
I do kissing with only one mission
FF              C majorC
Do you like to kiss then you have my permission


  G+G       DmDm
And I have already spent too much time
FF           C majorC
doing things I didn't want to
    G+G         DmDm
So if I just want to make out all the time
    FF              C majorC
you can bet your black ass that I'm going to

G+G           DmDm
When I was nine I was kind of a loser
FF              C majorC
the kids in my class didn't like me
G+G          DmDm
Melanie Chow was the meanest of all
    FF           C majorC
and my mom made me go to her party

G+G          DmDm
Nobody talked to me I sat there quietly
FF             C majorC
drawing with crayons on a napkin
 G+G         DmDm
a picture of Melanie skewered with a pitchfork
  FF           C majorC
her legs getting eaten by lions

G+G
The cake was good
DmDm
I took some home
 FF
I had a party
C majorC
in my room


G+G             DmDm
Now I have friends and I'm not such a loser
  FF          C majorC
but I go to bars all the time and I sit there
  G+G          DmDm           FF
and order red wine and I write and I like being alone around people
  C majorC
yes that's how I like it


G+G        DmDm
And I've already spent too much time
FF           C majorC
doing things I didn't want to
   G+G          DmDm
So if I wanna sit here and write and drink wine
    FF              C majorC
you can bet your black ass that I'm going to


G+G        DmDm
Yes I come here often
FF        C majorC
Sure I'll have another one
G+G        DmDm
Yes I come here often
FF        C majorC
Sure I'll have another one

but I don't have to talk to you


G+G       DmDm
When I was 17 I was a blowjob queen
FF            C majorC
picking up tips from the masters
G+G        DmDm
I was so busy perfecting my art
   FF             C majorC
I was clueless to what they were after
  G+G             DmDm
Now I'm still a blowjob queen (far more selectively)
FF            C majorC
I don't make love now to make people love me
G+G              DmDm
but I don't mind sharing my gift with the planet
FF             C majorC
We're all gonna die and a blowjob's fantastic

and


G+G       DmDm
When I was 25 I was a rock star
  FF           C majorC           G+G
but it didn't pay too well I had to strip on the side
          DmDm           FF
of the road to get ready for shows and the cars driving by
   C majorC
baby they'd never know

    G+G
what a bargain they'd gotten
  DmDm
and if I'm forgotten
FF            C majorC
I'm perfectly happy with all that has happened
  G+G             DmDm
and I still get laughed at but it doesn't bother me
FF            C majorC
I'm just so glad to hear laughter around me


  G+G      DmDm
And I've already spent too much time
FF           C majorC
doing things I didn't want to


   G+G
So if I want to drink alone
DmDm
dressed like a pirate
  FF
or look like a dyke
    C majorC
or wear high heels and lipstick
  G+G
or hide in a convent
  DmDm
or try to be mayor
  FF
or marry a writer
   C majorC
smoke crack and slash tires
   G+G
make jokes you don't like
     DmDm
or paint ducks and retire
    FF              C majorC