Chords with lyrics
Tuning: G C E A (G C E A)
BETELGEUSE, sung:
F#
Hey, folks! Begging your pardon!
D
‘Scuse me! Sorry to barge in
B A
Now let’s skip the tears and start on the whole
G#
Y’know
Being dead thing
F#m
You’re doomed! Enjoy the singing
D
The sword of Damocles is swinging
B
And if I hear your cell-phone ringing
A
I’ll kill you myself
G#m
The whole being dead thing!
Bm
Death can get a person stressed
F#
“We should have carpe’d way more diems
Now we’re never gonna see ‘em!"
G#m
I can show you what comes next
C#
So don’t be freaked
D
Stay in your seats
I do this bullshit, like, eight times a week!
C#
So just relax, you’ll be fine
Drink your fifty-dollar wine
And take a breath!
ENSEMBLE:
Welcome to a show about death!
BETELGEUSE:
F#
You’re…
E
You’re gonna be fine…
B
On the other side…
F#
DIE! YOU’RE ALL GONNA DIE! YOU’RE ALL GONNA DIE!
F#
I'll...
E
I’ll be your guide...
B
To the other side…
ENSEMBLE:
D C#
Oh, and full disclosure: It’s a show about death!
BETELGEUSE:
Gm
Everybody gets on fine here
D#
Like Rodgers, Hart, and Hammerstein here
C
The women’s bathroom has no line here
Just...
N.C.
Pee where you want!
A
The whole being dead thing!
Gm
You’re just gonna love the folks here
D#
Yeah, I know you’re woke, but you can take a joke here!
C
And every show I do, like, a TON of coke here
The whole-
heavy sniffing:
PAH-HAH! The whole being dead thing!
Cm
Nobody is bullet-proof!
G
“I work out, I eat clean!”
Gm F
Jesus, pass the Dramamine
Cm
Time to face the brutal truth:
Dm
‘Cause we’re all on a hitlist
Might not live ‘till Christmas
Choke to death on Triscuits
Hey, that’s just statistics
D#
So take a little break here
G#m
Kinda like a wake here
D#m
The scenery is fake here
D# D#m
But there's a giant snake here!
|Gm| |Gm| |Gm| |A#m| |C#|
ENSEMBLE:
D#
Welcome to a show about death!
BETELGEUSE:
G
You’re…
G7
You’re gonna be fine…
THANK YOU!
D
On the other side…
HOW YOU DOIN’?
C
Woah! Not good!
G F
Ba-be-ba-ba-be-bo-boo-bap-boop!
Fm
I’ll…
D#m
I’ll be your guide!
A# C
To the other side!
N.C.
Seriously, though, this is a show about-
ENSEMBLE:
A#m Fm
Death is taboo, but it’s hardly something new
A#m
There’s nothing medical professionals can do
F Fm
'Cept maybe just bill you
BETELGEUSE, spoken:
If you die while listening to this album
F D#
It's still gonna keep playing
ENSEMBLE:
A#m
There’s no destiny or fate
Fm
Just a terrifying wait
A#m
Filled with people that you hate
D# C
And on a certain date, the universe kills you!
BETELGEUSE:
N.C.
That’s the thing with life:
A#
No-one makes it out alive!
C D Cm
Toss that body in the pit
G
“Gosh, it’s awful, ain’t it tragic?”
F
“Blah, blah, Bible Jesus magic.”
Cm
When you’re dead, who gives a shit?
Gm
No pilates, no more yoga!
“Namaste”, you freakin’ posers
Cm
From the cradle to cremation
A#
Death just needs a little conversation!
D
I have mastered the art (Dies Irae!)
D# D
Of tearing convention apart (Dies Irae!)
D
So, how about we all make a start (Dies Irae!)
G# D G
On the whole being dead thing!
ALL:
D G
God, I hope you’re ready for a show about death!
