Chords with lyrics
E MajorE
Hello
B/D#B/D#
Welcome to my show
Dsus2Dsus2
I'm glad that you could come
A augmentedA
We're gonna have a hoot
E MajorE
We're gonna have some fun
[notes – D3]
E MajorE
Sit back
E/D#
Put your feet up and relax
Dsus2Dsus2
I hope you've had a drink or three
A augmentedA
The more you've drunk
E MajorE
The better I’ll ever be
A augmentedA
And if you have a mobile phone
A minorAm
Please turn it off
E MajorE
Thank you
A augmentedA
And if you have Tourette's syndrome
E MajorE
Just do whatever it is you people do
A augmentedA
And if you are offended by strong language or blasphemy
E MajorE
Maybe you should chuff off home
E MajorE
Cos it's only gonna get worse
E MajorE
Only gonna get worse
A augmentedA
Only gonna get worse
E MajorE
From now on……………c**t
[notes – G#2]
A augmentedA
My name is Tim
A augmentedA
I write funny songs and sing
E7E7
And if you don't think funny songs are funny
A augmentedA
Well I respect your right
A augmentedA
To think exactly what you like
A augmentedA
But you're sure as shit not getting back your money
E MajorE
And if you write for a newspaper I'd just like to say
E MajorE
That I read your publication every single day
F# minorF#m
And I agree with absolutely everything you say
D MajorD
I think you're the most perspicacious and delightful, eloquent, insightful writer
A augmentedA
Writing on the subject of the arts
DMaj9Dmaj9
But if you write a bad review
D MajorD
I promise you I'll come round to your house
A augmentedA
And lay turds in all your potted indoor plants
B11B11
I'll lay turds!
C11C11
In all your plants!
C#11C#11
Your indoor plants!
Your potted indoor plants!
F#F#
Hello
C#/E#
Welcome to my show
Esus2Esus2
I'm glad you all could come
F#F#
It's time for a little audience participation
F#F#
Sing, "Yeah!" (Yeah!)
E MajorE
Sing, "Yeah!" (Yeah!)
BB
Sing, "Yeah yeah yeah!" (Yeah yeah yeah!)
F#F#
Sing, "Ooo yeah!" (Ooo yeah!)
F#F#
Sing, "I am an audience member!" (I am an audience member!)
E MajorE
"Why are you making me sing " (Why are you making me sing )
BB
"You self indulgent wanker!" (You self indulgent wanker!)
F#F#
"Just get on with the fucking show!" (Just get on with the fucking show!)
......