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Chords with lyrics

Chord diagramE MajorE
Hello
                     Chord diagramB/D#B/D#
Welcome to my show
                        Chord diagramDsus2Dsus2
I'm glad that you could come
      Chord diagramA augmentedA
We're gonna have a hoot
      Chord diagramE MajorE
We're gonna have some fun

[notes – D3]

          Chord diagramE MajorE
Sit back
                             E/D#
Put your feet up and relax
                             Chord diagramDsus2Dsus2
I hope you've had a drink or three
    Chord diagramA augmentedA
The more you've drunk
    Chord diagramE MajorE
The better I’ll ever be

    Chord diagramA augmentedA
And if you have a mobile phone
    Chord diagramA minorAm
Please turn it off
    Chord diagramE MajorE
Thank you

    Chord diagramA augmentedA
And if you have Tourette's syndrome
    Chord diagramE MajorE
Just do whatever it is you people do

    Chord diagramA augmentedA
And if you are offended by strong language or blasphemy
Chord diagramE MajorE
Maybe you should chuff off home
         Chord diagramE MajorE
Cos it's only gonna get worse
Chord diagramE MajorE
Only gonna get worse
Chord diagramA augmentedA
Only gonna get worse
         Chord diagramE MajorE
From now on……………c**t

[notes – G#2]

Chord diagramA augmentedA
My name is Tim
Chord diagramA augmentedA
I write funny songs and sing
Chord diagramE7E7
And if you don't think funny songs are funny
     Chord diagramA augmentedA
Well I respect your right
   Chord diagramA augmentedA
To think exactly what you like
           Chord diagramA augmentedA
But you're sure as shit not getting back your money
    Chord diagramE MajorE
And if you write for a newspaper I'd just like to say
       Chord diagramE MajorE
That I read your publication every single day
    Chord diagramF# minorF#m
And I agree with absolutely everything you say
                        Chord diagramD MajorD
I think you're the most perspicacious and delightful, eloquent, insightful writer
Chord diagramA augmentedA
Writing on the subject of the arts
Chord diagramDMaj9Dmaj9
But if you write a bad review
  Chord diagramD MajorD
I promise you I'll come round to your house
Chord diagramA augmentedA
And lay turds in all your potted indoor plants
         Chord diagramB11B11
I'll lay turds!
            Chord diagramC11C11
In all your plants!
            Chord diagramC#11C#11
Your indoor plants!

Your potted indoor plants!

      Chord diagramF#F#
Hello
                  C#/E#
Welcome to my show
                       Chord diagramEsus2Esus2
I'm glad you all could come
     Chord diagramF#F#
It's time for a little audience participation
      Chord diagramF#F#
Sing, "Yeah!"      (Yeah!)
      Chord diagramE MajorE
Sing, "Yeah!"      (Yeah!)
      Chord diagramBB
Sing, "Yeah yeah yeah!"   (Yeah yeah yeah!)
      Chord diagramF#F#
Sing, "Ooo yeah!"   (Ooo yeah!)
      Chord diagramF#F#
Sing, "I am an audience member!"      (I am an audience member!)
Chord diagramE MajorE
"Why are you making me sing "      (Why are you making me sing )
Chord diagramBB
"You self indulgent wanker!"      (You self indulgent wanker!)
      Chord diagramF#F#
"Just get on with the fucking show!"   (Just get on with the fucking show!)

......

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