Chords with lyrics
(
A augmentedA) E/G#
Obviously I don't want to infer that being invited onto Friday Night with Wossy
F# minorF#m 
E MajorE
isn't wonderfully affirming, and I know I oughta
A augmentedA
appreciate the risk you took, the bookers who agreed to book
E/G# F# minorF#m
E MajorE
a chap who tends to talk about the kinda things that get the BBC in hot water.
A major 6A6
And I don't want to seem greedy, I'm just saying
(E MajorE)
I'd like to be here every week if that's OK.
Fo7(or E7b9/F)
And, if you'll hear me out, I think I've got a way
F# minorF#m E MajorE 
D MajorD
in which we could do it pretty easily.
E MajorE
You can leave all the boring details to me.
A6* Eadd2/A* F#m/A*
It's a brilliant idea, a truly original concept.
A6* Eadd2/A* E/B
No one in Britain has ever done anything like it yet.
Picture this - imagine if we had
(A augmentedA) E/G# F# minorF#m E MajorE D MajorD
five poofs and two pianos - yeah, it's a wicked idea.
A augmentedA E/G#
Why settle for a quartet of queers
D/F#D/F# E MajorE
When there's a possibility of a penta-poofter-piano-posse here?
(A augmentedA) E/G# F# minorF#m E MajorE D MajorD
Five poofs and two pianos - yeah, it'll be ace:
A augmentedA E/G# D MajorD A augmentedA
a hundred percent more pianos and twenty five percent more gays.
Pickup: E MajorE 
F#F# 
AbAb
(A augmentedA)
I know, I know, I've seen the problem too.
(E/A)
There's a rumour I am straight, it's true.
(
D/AD/A) 
DmDm
It hurts to admit it, but I'm about as bent
DmDm
as Wossy himself or Fiddy Cent.
(A augmentedA)
But I've already thought it through.
(E/A)
D'you know there's preachers in America who reckon they can do
D MajorD
sexuality conversions. I've heard them assert
D7D7
they can cure a man of trouser love and turn him onto skirt.
E7E7
Well I don't see why they couldn't pull the same trick in reverse, and we'd have -
(A augmentedA) E/G# F# minorF#m E MajorE D MajorD
five poofs and two pianos - yeah, it's a revolution
A augmentedA E/G#
and probably the best solution
D MajorD E MajorE
to the problem you're inevitably having with an even number of homosexuals.
Pickup: E MajorE F#F# AbAb
(A augmentedA)
Yes I know your producers might suspect
(E/A)
that the licence-paying public will object
(D/AD/A) D MajorD
to the Corporation having yet
DmDm
another homosexual to pay.
(A augmentedA)
The Daily Mail will bring the big guns out.
(E/A)
Jan Moir will be frothing at the mouth,
(D/AD/A)
writing further brilliant stuff about
(DmDm) E MajorE
the myth about being both happy and gay.
F# minorF#m F#m/A 
F#m/C#F#m/C#
But all that moral indignation
D/F#D/F# 
A/EA/E
will disappear when they see
D MajorD A augmentedA
those four lovely guys and me
B minorBm E MajorE
singing in perfect harmony.
F#m/A
And all those angry letter writers,
D/AD/A
like 'Disgusted' from the Isle of Wight
F#m/A
and 'Mad' from Hull and 'Outraged' from Leeds
E MajorE E7E7 Fo7
and 'Slightly Annoyed' from Berwick on Tweed,
F# minorF#m E MajorE D MajorD
will instantly change their tune.
A augmentedA E MajorE
They'll be bleeding-heart liberals by Saturday noon.
D MajorD
They'll be giving their grandchildren up for adoption
E MajorE E7E7 Fo7
in the hope that a gay married couple will adopt 'em.
FF
They'll be putting rainbow stickers on their cars,
G+G E MajorE (Bass line - A augmentedA
E MajorE FF E MajorE G+G A augmentedA)
and cutting holes in the arse of their leather strides.
And watching 2 pianos and 5 guys
Watching 2 pianos and 5 guys
G+G (picks up on the G+G in the bass line)
Watching 2 pianos and five ..1, 2 ,3, 4,
(
C majorC) 
G/BG/B 
A minorAm G+G FF
5 poofs and 2 pianos - yeah, it'll be grand.
C majorC G/BG/B FF C majorC
You can never have too many pianos or too much man.
(C majorC) G/BG/B A minorAm FF
5 poofs and 2 pianos - maybe we could out Jamie Cullum.
G+G FF C majorC
