The Grandmother Song chords by Steve Martin

C                        G
Be courteous, kind, and forgiving
G7                       C
Be gentle and peaceful each day
C7                   F
Be warm and human and grateful
G                    C
And have a good thing to say
C                                 G
Be thoughtful and trustful and optimistic
G7                   C
Be witty and happy and wise
C7                              F
Be honest and love all your neighbors
G                              C
Live in a swamp and be three dimension
C                                 G
Be obsequious, purple and clairvoyant
C                G
Be sure to stop at stop signs
G7               C
And drive fifty-five miles an hour
C7                   F
Pick up hitchhikers foaming at the mouth
G                       C
And when you get home get a master's degree in geology

G7                          C
Be pompous, obtuse  and eat cactus
C7                          F
Be dull and boring and omnipresent
G                           C
Look forward to things  you don't know about
C7                          F
Put a live chicken in your underwear
G                            C
Get all excited and go to a yawning festival


              C                  G
(Ladies only) Never make love to Bigfoot
            G7             C
(Men only) Hello, my name is Bigfoot
           C7                         F
(Everyone) Put a live chicken in your underwear
G                     C
Go into a closet and suck eggs