Haircut chords by Lemon Demon

Intro:
B7

Part 1:
Em
You ought to get your hair cut, it's getting awfully hippy-like
  A7
The barber closes soon, you better make it zippy
D              C
Like a cheetah sporting some Adidas so you
G    C    D   G   C     Am      D
Run from here to there, as the wind blows through your hair
C      Cmaj7
Suddenly you stop
G           Am
Perhaps you like your mop
       D          B
Now we gotta know, do you chop it off go to 2.1:
     Em    G   A   B7
Or do you scoff and let it grow? go to 2.2:

Part 2.1:
Em
You run into the store, and meet with Mr Barber
    A7
As he starts to cut your hair, the fellow seems to harbour
  D           C
An improper eagerness to chop your ears off
G   C    D     G    C   Am   D
Suddenly those dull, dull scissors jam into your skull
  C        Cmaj7
The man says oopsie-daisy
  G         Am
Sometimes my hands go crazy
        D
Blood begins to spout
           B
Do you go to the hospital go to 3.1:
     Em    G    A    B7
Or try to pull the scissors out? go to 3.2:

Part 2.2:
  Em
You stick it to the man that, don't cut your hair don't even shave
  A7
For you are now a hippie! You find yourself a sign to wave
  D            C
And protest fighting for the oppressed people
G C    D   G    C   Am D
Animals and trees, but the system disagrees!
C      Cmaj7
Violence is transpiring
G       Am
Cops are open firing
      D
Riots all around
      B
Do you run away go to 3.3:
     Em    G     A     B7
Or do you stay and hold your ground? go to 3.4:

Part 3.1:
Em
You run right out the door, and over to the hospital
A7
Into the waiting room, which looks just like a moshpit
    D              C
Full of bleeders flipping through a readers' digest
G     C   D    G     C    Am    D
You queue up in line, behind some guy who broke his spine
C      Cmaj7
Later in the story
   G       Am
Your doctor is Hugh Laurie
        D
Well you gotta laugh
          B
Should he fix your head go to 4.1:
       Em   G  A    B7
Or should you get his autograph? go to 4.2:

Part 3.2:
Em
You firmly yank the scissors, they're stuck no matter how you strain
A7
But now you're feeling tingly, it seems their pressence in your brain
 D         C
Releases your telekinesis powers
G   C  D  G    C    Am    D
If you so desire objects float or catch on fire
C       Cmaj7
This psychic potential
G        Am
Could prove consequential
         D
Eh, well what the hell.
        B
Now you wonder should
            Em
You use your powers for good go to 4.3:
  G   A   B7
Or for evil? go to 4.4:

Part 3.3:
Em
You shriek and run away, like a little pansy
A7
And you move into the woods, to live like a chimpanzee
    D            C
Back to nature but you find you hate your neighbours
G   C    D   G     C     Am   D
Mostly its the bears, can't they mind their own affairs?
C         Cmaj7
They've got you surrounded
G          Am
Now you're quite confounded
       D
What is this about?
       B
Do you try to fight go to 4.5:
      Em  G      A   B7
Or just politely talk things out? go to 4.6:

Part 3.4:
Em
You make it through the riots, the public wants your story told
A7
So you write a book, the sales come in low and behold
   D            C
It's caught on earning you a spot on Oprah
G    C     D   G     C     Am   D
She just smiles and winks. Looks like she's had several drinks...
C          Cmaj7
Half way through the show
G       Am
Oprah lets you know
         D
She must have you now
            B
Do you slap her in the face go to 4.7:
     Em    G     A    B7
Or do you bow chickachicka wow wow? go to 4.8:

Part 4.1:
Em               A7
Hugh Laurie starts to scream, "we have to operate!"
  D              C
He calls upon his team, there's no time to sedate
G  C  Am C  D   G C Am G Am C D
With his charming smirk, he begins to go to work
      C       Cmaj7
But there's one forgotten factor:
   G         Am
Hugh Laurie's just an actor
        D
Turns out he's insane
           B
Thanks to him you're dead
         Em    G    Asus  Cmaj7   G
He opened up your head and then he ran off with your brain
Yeah?!

Part 4.2:
Em             A7
"Would you be so kind?" You timidly request
 D            C
"If you wouldn't mind to autograph your breast."
G C  Am  C  D   G  C Am  G Am C D
Laurie signs with grace, then he draws a happy face
C        Cmaj7
Quickly with no delay
G         Am
You put it up on ebay
      D
But to no success
          B
Your auction gets removed
        Em    G      Asus   Cmaj7 G
Ebay says that you violated their terms of service
Oh no.

Part 4.3:
Em            A7
You spend all your time, even Friday nights
D          C
Beating up on crime, wearing spandex tights
  G C Am  C D  G C  Am G  Am C  D
Now everyone's a fan, of the psychic scissor man
C         Cmaj7
Now you're making millions
 G      Am
Defeating supervillains
        D
But beneath the fame
        B
And beneath the cape
      Em    G     Asus Cmaj7 G
There is no escaping from your se - cret shame
Shame

Part 4.4:
Em         A7
Quickly you embark, on a trail of hate
D           C
Creeping in the dark, twisting mankind's fate
    G   C    Am C  D
Now the whole world's in your palms
G C Am  G  Am C D
Activate the atom bombs
C        Cmaj7
Several seconds after
G      Am           D
You erupt in laughter, quite maniacally
     B      Em  G   Asus Cmaj7 G
Ha haha haha ha haha haha ha ha ha ha ha ha hee hee

Part 4.5:
Em            A7
You're prepared to fight. The wretched beasts attack
   D             C
They bear their teeth and bite, but you bite them back
G  C   Am   C  D
Soon you've killed them all.
G  C  Am G   Am  C  D
All but one who's much too small
  C         Cmaj7
And since you're not a brute
  G          Am
And since that cub's so cute
          D
You adopt him as a son
          B
Then that bear and you
     Em  G     Asus Cmaj7 G
Realise a new adventure's just begun
Yeah!

Part 4.6:
Em           A7
So you ask them why we can't just get along
D          C
And the bears reply "You've got us all wrong"
 G C  Am  C D   G  C Am  G   Am C  D
"We come from up there! From a place called Planet Bear"
C         Cmaj7
On their ship they take you
G         Am            D
To their home and make you King of all the bears
          B          Em
And that seals the deal, proving God is real
  G    Asus   Cmaj7  G
And that he listened to your prayer
Amen

Part 4.7:
Em           A7
You slap Oprah's face, at once her loyal staff
D
Start spraying you with Mace
  C
And Oprah starts to laugh
G C  Am C D
As the audience
G C Am  G  Am C D
Overtakes you in defence
C        Cmaj7
Of their lovely hostess
G        Am
Now your ass is toast yes
       D
Sorry my dear friend
          B
Guess you're gonna die
          Em  G     Asus Cmaj7 G
You better say goodbye because this is the end
You suck

Part 8:
Em           A7
You and Oprah kiss, the audience goes wild
D         C
Voyeuristic bliss, suddenly you're piled
G C  Am C  D
On the studio floor
G  C Am   G Am C  D
Now it starts to get hardcore
C      Cmaj7
On live television
G       Am
Passionate collision
      D        B
Evidential love, genuine romance
        Em     G    Asus Cmaj7 G