The Referees Alphabet chords by Half Man Half Biscuit

Chords with lyrics

occasionaly slide up from a D MajorD flat chord(it just an extra detail that I haven transcribed,
I'm just saying incase your wondering, it doesn't make the utmost of differances)
Great and very (almost too) underratted band and one of their greatest songs

(note: the chord placings are approximate so are probably in the wrong place, but it's
easy enough to guess them as long as you know the chords)

(intros just the same chords for the verses: D, G, A augmentedA)

D MajorD
The A augmentedA is for my authority
G+G
Which many players seem to question,
A augmentedA
Thinking they're somehow going to make me change my mind
D MajorD
BB is for babies
G+G
Which a lot of managers cry like
A augmentedA
After a decision has not gone their way
D MajorD                G+G
C majorC is for the continual criticism I recieve from the touchline
A augmentedA
Get back in your technical area!
D MajorD
D is for the dunderheads
G+G
Who seem to think we have a conspiracy
A augmentedA
Against their particular team
D MajorD
E MajorE is for the eery silence that echoes around the ground
G+G
After I've booked the home teams player
A augmentedA
And it's obvious to everyone that he deserved it
D MajorD
FF is the farce into which most games would descend if we werent there
G+G
The G+G is for the gnarled face of someone whos on 90,000 a week
A augmentedA
And reckoned he should have had a throw in
D MajorD
H is for handball
G+G
Which has to be intentional and very rarely is
A augmentedA
If only people would study the rules more
D MajorD
I is for innocence, pleaded by many a doe-eyed defender
G+G
After they've just scythed down that tricky winger
A augmentedA
J is for ju-jitsu, which i quite intend to display given a dark alley
D MajorD
And some of the narky blerts ive encountered
G+G
K is for the kissing of the badge
A augmentedA
How ridiculous that looks 6 months later when they're at another club
D MajorD           G+G
L is for lip reading, at which you don't need to be an expert
A augmentedA
To see how odious some people are
D MajorD
M is for the mistakes we sometimes make
G+G              A augmentedA
Surely a bit of controversy is part of the games appeal
D MajorD                  G+G
The N, the N is for the numbskull who during the boxing day game
         A augmentedA
Asks me what else i got for christmas besides my whistle
D MajorD
An afternoon with your wife mate
D MajorD
The O is for offside
G+G               A augmentedA
Which many forwards tell me they simply could not have been
D MajorD
The P is for the penalty shootout
G+G       A augmentedA
Great drama and no pressure on me
D MajorD
Q is the quiet word i sometimes need to have
G+G
With some of the more fiery participants
A augmentedA
I usually choose the word 'pleat'
D MajorD
R is for running backwards
G+G               A augmentedA
A majorA difficult skill which the pundits never seem to appreciate
D MajorD               G+G
S is for the suggestion that i should have awarded a card of some sort
A augmentedA
To a player whos just been awarded a free kick
(mute the strings and strum)
Sorry i got all that wrong the S again
D MajorD
Okay the S, the S is the suggestion that i should show a card to an opponent
G+G
By a player whos been awarded a free kick
A augmentedA
He himself is more in danger of getting one for that
D MajorD
T is for the 21 man brawl
G+G                  A augmentedA
Whiuch is basically an embarrassing scene of pushing and shoving
D MajorD
U is for the umpire which i sometimes wish I'd been instead
G+G             A augmentedA
You never hear a cricket crowd shouting whos the bastard in the hat
D MajorD                    G+G
The V is for vitriol vilification vendetta and volley of verbal abuse
A augmentedA
Some good bird noises there by the way
D MajorD
W is for walter pidgeon
G+G
Whos mr Griffiths in 'how green was my valley'
A augmentedA
I may have started to sound like during this song
D MajorD
'where was the light i thought to see in your eye'
G+G             A augmentedA
He says that to a young huw played by roddy McDowall
D MajorD
The X
G+G
The X represents the sarcastic kiss planted on my forehead by the swarthy
A augmentedA
potugese center half

Whom i just dismissed
D MajorD
The Y is for Yate
G+G          A augmentedA
The kind of town referees come from
D MajorD
And the Z
G+G               A augmentedA
Well the Z could be for Zidane, Zico, Zola, Zubizaretta, Zoff

Even Zondervan
D MajorD
But is in fact for the zest with which we approach our work
G+G
Without this zest for the game we wouldn't become refs
A augmentedA
And without refs, well zero
D MajorD
See also Zatopek, Zeus
G+G
And Zeal Monachorum
D MajorD
I have a caravan there
G+G
Static naturally
A augmentedA     D MajorD etc...
(Wouldnt it be fun if the gave the ref a gun)

contiune the "D G+G A" until the end (although, if your like me when it comes to the end