Kenesaw Mountain Landis chords by Jonathan Coulton

D  xx0232
G  3x0003
Em 022000
A7 x02020
A  x02220
Bm x24432
F# 244322

Verse 1
D                             G
Kenesaw Mountain Landis was a bad mother fucker
       D                             Em                A7
He was seventeen feet tall, he had a hundred and fifty wives
   D                             G
He didn't do that much except he saved the game of baseball
       D             G             D              A7
He put two and two together and he noticed it was four
        D            G                  D          A7
Now the treachery of Shoeless Joe can't hurt us anymore
          D                       G       A7       D     A(break)
And he'll always be remembered as Kenesaw Mountain Landis

Verse 2
D                              G
Fellow named Joe Jackson was a fielder for the Black Sox
       D                                   Em            A7
And he always wore his black socks, but he never wore no shoes
   D                                G
He weren't the nicest fellow and he had a couple problems
         D                  G                    D            A7
Cause he drank a lot and he beat his wife and he always acted rude
   D                   G             D         A7
He killed and ate some babies and he copped an attitude
        D                              G       A7       D     A(break)
And the one man that he hated most was Kenesaw Mountain Landis

Bridge 1
Bm
Mafia said Shoeless Joe
F#
You should really run this show
D
You should be the guy who owns baseball
    Bm
And all you really gotta do
   F#
Is help us make a buck or two
D                G     A7
We'll bet on the other team
       D                 G       A7
You'll lose the game but make it seem
     D                G                A7
Like nothing could be further from the truth

Verse 3
D                                  G
Shoeless Joe did what they said he dropped a couple fly balls
       D                               Em               A7
And he walked up to the pitcher and he poked him in the eye
    D                              G
And in the seventh inning with the Black Sox nearly beaten
          D               G                 D               A7
There was someone who was watching from his blimp above the stands
D          G            D               A7
Cradling a rifle in his thick and meaty hands
       D                                G       A        D     A(break)
And as if you hadn't guessed yet it was Kenesaw Mountain Landis

Bridge 2
Bm
Kenesaw said drop that glove
F#
Or I swear by God above
D
I'll make you regret playing baseball
Bm
Shoeless Joe looked up and saw
F#
The silver rifle's gaping maw
D                 G       A7
Though no one had noticed yet
    D             G       A7
His underwear was getting wet
   D               G             A7
He peed himself in front of everyone

Slow Verse
D                                G
Shoeless Joe was finished but he couldn't quite admit it
      D                            Em             A7
So he raised his middle finger up above the other four
D                            G
Kenesaw took careful aim and fired a single bullet
       D               G                 D                  A7
And he shot that dirty finger off and he dropped his trusty gun
    D         G             D                A7
And everybody in the stands knew that he had won
    D                                G       A7       D
And today they still refer to him as Kenesaw Mountain Landis

Final Verse
D                              G
Shoeless Joe left baseball and became a famous pop star
       D                                 Em           A7       D
And he asked the musical question is she really going out with him
                             G
He had a couple albums and a comeback in the 80's
       D           G             D             A7
But he never won a Grammy and he never was the same
       D              G              D          A7
And he never could be satisfied with critical acclaim
          D                                 G     A7      D     A7
Cause the critics all confused him with the great Elvis Costello
        D                                 G       A7    D