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Dear Uber Driver by Alaska Thunderfuck 5000

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(Intro)
C
Dear Uber Driver
C               Am
Here's a few things, you need to know if
           F                    G          C
You wanna take this full time woman for a ride

(Verse 1)
C
Hurry don't be late
C                    Am
Meet me at the gate
Am
Try not to hit a bunch of speed bumps, while I beat my face
F                        G
I'm gonna need my light
G
My brows are even right
C
Why you watching me?
C
Oi eyes on the street!
C
Now don't avert your eyes
C
I'm 'bout to shave my thighs
Am
And if this tuck gets any looser
You'll see a suprise
F
Don't play it by the book
G
Go on it's fine to look
C
Like what you see?
That's fine have a peak

(Pre-chorus 1)
C                                       Am
You gotta know, first of all I ain't no lady
                        F
Matter fact I'm fucking crazy
G                                C
Bitch you better make that light
GO!GO! What the fuck

(Chorus)
C
Dear Uber driver
                  Am
Here's a few things you need to know if
              F               G              C
You wanna take this gorgeous lady for a ride
C
(Shouln't we be using lyft?)
C
Dear Uber driver
             Am
Lookin' at me, don't be so nervous
               F                G                  C
Bet you never saw a bunch of air bags look so fine
(I'm too pretty to die!)

(Verse 2)
C
After the show tonight
                        Am
I'll be drunk and high
                                                       F
So while I'm sober take the address of this Grindr guy
F
Wait while I get him off
G
You know that's never long
C
By the way your seats
Need Tide and Febreze

(Pre-chorus 2)
C                                        Am
I already know I'm a queen I ain't no lady
                          F
Don't be saying nothing shady
G                            C
I will read your whole damn life
Listen here you dog ass mole

(Chorus)
C
Dear Uber Driver
                 Am
Here's a few things you need to know if
           F                 G                    C
You wanna take this pretty young thing for a ride
(This isn't a pool get out of my car)
C
Dear Uber driver
                    Am
Don't you know you that objects in the mirror
                 F                 G                     C
Might be looking bigger than they do when they're inside
(Oh, it's an 8.5 surge)

(Bridge)
C
We'll be stopping at the red light up ahead
Am
Flash your junk for me and you might get fellatio
F
I'm not too good to try
G
Blowing a taxi guy
C
I'm just a chick
If you don't mind a dick

(Pre-chorus)
C                                          Am
You got to know first of all I ain't no lady
                          F
But I'm fresher than a daisy
G                          C
Wait I wanna flash that guy
(Hey, hey! Look at these)

(Chorus)
C
Dear Uber driver
               Am
Here's a few things you need to know if
              F               G         C
You want a business from a special ?:
C
Dear Uber driver
               Am
If you wanna get that five star rating
               F
Get me to the gig
              G              C
And make sure I arrive alive
(Click it or ticket)

(Outro)
Uber driver